Navigating the Mental Load of Starting a New Job: How to Set Expectations Without Burnout
You got the job. Brava! Great job! Congrats! 👏 👏 👏
That’s a wrap on the job search process! 🎬 Woot woot!
Now comes the proving process—the part where you show your new employer they made the right choice.
But how do you show them they made an excellent selection without setting unrealistic expectations?
How can you avoid the common trap of overcommitting in the first few weeks at your new job?
It’s tempting when you first start a new role to want to impress everyone, but here’s the thing: those first few weeks on the job? They’re not really about making grand gestures or swooping in like the hero. (BTW - this is a great way to get your new colleagues annoyed at you!)
The onboarding process is meant for you to learn—not for you to prove you’re a one-person army.
Here are some practical tips on managing the mental load of starting a new role while maintaining your sanity.
1. The Onboarding Process is for Learning—Not Impressing
When you’re navigating the onboarding process in a new job, it’s easy to feel like you need to impress everyone immediately. But those first few weeks? They’re really about learning the ropes, not making grand gestures.
You’ll likely face countless meetings, training sessions, and new employee orientations. You’ll be:
introduced to people whose names you’ll forget (jot them down with a way to remember),
told countless acronyms that will make your head spin,
shown procedures you won’t fully grasp yet, and
given tools you’ve never seen before.
The expectation isn’t for you to know everything on Day 1—it’s for you to learn what’s expected of you.
So, don’t feel pressured to nail everything immediately. Take your time to ask questions, clarify, and take notes. This isn’t your moment to be a star—it’s your moment to get grounded in this new role.
2. Set Manageable Expectations — For Yourself & For Your Employer
New hires often fall into the trap of overcommitting. It’s natural to want to make a good impression, but be realistic about what you can handle early on.
The amount of information in the onboarding process can be overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to ask for a more practical timeline if something feels rushed. You’ve heard me say it before and I’ll say it again - people are not mind readers. You need to speak up.
Your boss may ask for a progress report or feedback on a project early on. Instead of saying, “I’ll have that done tomorrow,” take a beat to review your schedule.
You’re still learning the ropes, and even simple tasks take longer when you’re figuring out how things work. Give yourself time to adjust to the processes before you start promising tight turnarounds.
This is the time to establish a healthy pace. If you’re too eager to prove yourself by taking on too much too soon, you’ll set an expectation that you’re always available, always capable of working at breakneck speed. That’s a precedent you don’t want to set.
If you negotiated specific work hours, stick to them. If you haven’t had this conversation yet, now is the time.
3. Expect to Feel a Little Lost—That’s Normal
Starting a new job often brings new job stress. New jobs come with a learning curve. Whether it’s a complicated internal system or understanding the company’s unspoken culture and internal politics, you’re going to feel out of place at first. That’s normal.
Whatever you do - don’t let that “new kid at school” feeling push you into overcompensating and people pleasing by trying to do everything and trying to do it perfectly.
Avoid overcompensating by trying to take on too much. This is the time to take things slow and steady rather than overloading yourself with extra tasks in an attempt to impress.
Remember, no one expects you to have all the answers in week one—or even month three. The real goal here is to learn how the job actually works so you can gradually build your expertise.
🔥 HOT TIP: Receive a request that you don’t know how to (yet) respond to and/or is outside of your job scope? Here’s how you can respond:
"I'm still getting familiar with that area, but I’ll get back to you once I have more context. Will that work for your timeline?"
"That request falls outside of my current scope, but I’d be happy to help you connect with the right person who can handle it."
4. You Will Want to Belong —This is Normal, Too.
Starting a new job will tap into a deep, primal part of being human. Humans have an innate need to belong, and when we’re new in a workplace, our brains treat this unfamiliar environment like a social survival test.
It’s natural to want to fit in socially at work. If we feel left out or disconnected, our brains can perceive that as a threat, which can trigger stress, anxiety, and the urge to overcompensate just to fit in.
The intense feeling of “being othered” can be compounded when the identities you hold are different from the dominant social group.
Pace Yourself Socially
It’s important to connect with your new colleagues, but you don’t need to be part of every lunch, after-work event, or chat. Even more so if these types of events are draining to you!
Overloading your social calendar in the name of fitting in can increase your stress, especially when you’re already dealing with the mental load of learning your job.
Be strategic—build relationships at your pace. It allows you to balance both work and social connections without feeling stretched thin. If it feels better to set up one-on-one 30 minute chats and give yourself a goal of doing two a week, do that. Don’t feel like you have to get to know everyone right now.
🔥 HOT TIP: If you have a name that is hard to pronounce, help people pronounce it by including the phonetic spelling of your name in your email signature and renaming yourself on Zoom/Microsoft Teams/Google Meet.
You can also add a pronunciation message on LinkedIn. This way people won’t feel intimidated to talk to you because they don’t know how to pronounce your name. (I know…people should just google it, but they might not and I don’t want you to miss out because of that).
5. Set Boundaries & Communicate Early
Effective communication is key in a new role, especially when it comes to setting expectations. Remember, you are getting to know your new boss and colleagues, and they are getting to know you.
At some point, you’ll likely get instructions or assignments that aren’t crystal clear, and in the rush to prove yourself, it’s tempting to just nod and figure it out on the fly. Resist that temptation. Now’s the time to ask questions and get clarity. This shows you’re serious about clarifying expectations upfront and it avoids creating bigger problems later because you misunderstood something.
If something isn’t clear, or you’re unsure what “ASAP” means in the company’s culture (it can range from “within the hour” to “by the end of next week”), don’t be afraid to ask.
Same goes with trying to interpret your manager - are they brainstorming or actually giving you an assignment? If you feel unclear as to whether they want you to take action - ask them. Don’t automatically jump in! It could end up being a big waste of your time. (Ask me how I know! 😁 )
Remember - you’re getting to know each other’s communication style.
To broach the conversation with your manager, you could say something like:
“My last manager loved sharing ideas with me. I had a hard time knowing what was a real request and what was just an idea. Can you help me know the difference?”
6. You’re Setting a Tone for the Long Haul—So Make It Sustainable
Think of these first few months as the foundation you’re building for your future with your team and the company. If you set expectations that you’ll work late nights, tackle impossible tasks, or say “yes” to every request, that’s what will be expected of you—until you burnout, quit, or communicate something different.
Believe me when I say it’s way easier to set clear expectations up front than to change the deal!
When you over-function, they under-function. And you’ve trained them to do this.
Do you know what over-functioners have all around them? Under-functioners!
Over-functioning is doing for others what they can and should be doing for themselves.
Under-functioning is taking on little responsibility and seeking help or advice excessively.
Over-functioners tend to end up resentful of the under-functioners they’ve created. Don’t let this be you!
Instead, show that you’re thorough, reliable, and capable—but also clear on your boundaries and workload. It’s about working smarter, not harder.
7. Be Gentle With Yourself.
To sum it up: the proving process isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Your goal is to build trust and competence over time, not to blow everyone away on Day 1.
They chose you for the job for a reason. Remember that!
Take it slow, be realistic, and prove yourself by being someone who asks good questions, understands their limits and needs, and communicates them well.
That’s what actually impresses people.
Last thing -
Starting a new job is a BIG change that often brings about additional major life changes.
A relocation to a new city, moving yourself and/or your family (which could mean new schools and a whole new community), a new schedule (and wake-up time) to navigate, new financial circumstances (a higher or lower salary), a new wardrobe to contend with (maybe just on top?), a video background to set up, and more.
Point some kindness your way. 💙
